Kiki's Thoughts

Cand vara se scurge incet spre toamna si incep ploile reci, tu esti dincolo de ploaie.. Acolo in spatele perdelei de picuri reci si grei, cu umerii lasati si privirea aruncata intrebatoare catre nori... Cand vantul bate puternic pe alei de parc uitate, tu le bati la pas cu gulerul ridicat si fruntea incruntata de un gand de dor... Cand o lacrima calda curge din ochiul meu drept mana ta stanga se ridica in aer sa o stearga oriunde in lume sau in timp ai fi... Te privesc plecand si imi e dor de zilele cand veneai... zilele cand soarele iti cobora gulerul hainei si iti descretea incruntarea de pe crestet... Cand ploua imi e dor de mirosul pielii tale vara tarziu ... In parcul amintirilor noastre cu banci de lemn si alei batatorite de atata dute-vino, azi ploua si cerul e gri... Trecem unul pe langa altul, ne oprim ne zambim ne apropiem mainile si ne juram sa nu uitam zilele cu soare...

Perdeaua se misca incet in adierea vantului si vine miros de ploaie... Privesc in gol inspre ea cum se unduieste si privelistea e alb-negru... E liniste in casa...  In geam bate o ploaie calma si bataia e aproape melodica...  Ma pierd incet in bataia ritmica si peisajul alb-negru si alunec intr-o reverie calma... Ma simt gri...  Imi simt pielea decolorata si patata de nuante de gri...  Simt cum mi se absoarbe prin piele si ajunge incet la inima...  Ropotul domol se inteteste si vantul e mai puternic..  Ar trebui sa ma ridic de pe canapea sa inchid balconul dar "gri-ul" ma tintuieste locului si vantul imi biciuie pielea gri...  Perdeaua se zbate in bataia vantului si "gri-ul" avanseaza mai repede prin inima... Intra prin vene si decoloreaza roseata.. Usuca si ingheata in acelasi timp amintiri, simtiri, sentimente... Dintr-o data se opreste..  Ceva bate puternic in mine... Zbacneste...  Se impotriveste... E inauntru in loc ascuns...  E un ...

We are lying on my bed both with eyes closed :"What if I stay?"you say in a soft voice near my ear. "What if you did stay?We would get up and go eat somewhere. We would laugh and act like this whole time never passed between us. We would go home after and make mindblowing love. One year later we would still be doing the same stuff, meeting the same people, going to the same places, but now you would be feeling pressured into marrying me and having kids. Because you think thats is what I wanted. And you would slowly drift away because you dont feel you can do that. In the summer we would go on vacations with your familly and I would wonder if your mom thought I was good enough for you... Cause no woman ever is... And in the winters we would go in the mountains with your friends and fight in hotel rooms where I would cry myself to sleep every night because you missed another anniversary and didnt get me an engagement ring...." " What if .... What if you werent so...